I want to be FREE!

Dear MzDaeDae

I want out of my relationship but don’t how to break the news to my girlfriend. I’ve been with my high school sweetheart for three and a half years and I love her a lot. I’m now a sophomore in college and she’s a freshman. We attend the same university and see each other at least five times a week. I want out of the relationship because I feel like she’s distracting me from my school work and I’m young and I need my freedom. She’s become too attached and dependent on me. Her family ignores her and never really treated her like she mattered. My family took her in and treated her like she was part of the family and that’s how she’s become so attached to me. I’m scared that if I break up with her she won’t know how to handle it and I’m scared of what she might do since my family is pretty much the only family she has. How do I break up with her and get her to see that I’m not trying to neglect her but that I don’t need to be tied down at such a young age especially when I have to focus on my education? ~Mr. Freedom Seeker

Dear Freedom Seeker,

Thank you for writing in and trusting me to answer your question. I first must say that I can tell you have a really big heart and sometimes you get in your own way trying to help others, just like you are doing now.  I must commend you for trying to find an easy way to break things off but to be honest there is absolutely no such thing. In the end someone's feelings are going to get her so the best thing to do is just be upfront and honest because then it will make the healing process that much easier. You are not responsible for anyone's feelings or behavior once you break the news to them. I understand that people have bad experiences from their past that alters their behavior, but you can not let that dictate whether you are going to be happy or not. You have to put yourself and your needs first. 

As for a relationship, you are far too young to be tied to such a serious commitment when you are just beginning to live life. Yes some people stay with their high school sweethearts forever but for the most of the world, your high school sweetheart is just like your first car; it gets you from point A to point B and it's not the car you're going to have forever. And since I'm on the car analogies, dating should be like buying a new car, you have to shop around and test drive different vehicles too see which one is right for you. You may have an attachment to that first car of yours but when the engine fails why would you keep investing more money into something that will never ever work properly again. 

Getting and education and staying focused is challenging enough on it's own and when you add in a relationship it makes it harder to stay focus and apply yourself 100% to your education, because at least 40% of you will always be focused on that relationship. So take your time be young enjoy life and learn all you can learn right now, you have plenty of time to get into a committed relationship, there is no need to rush life because then you won't have anything to look forward to living for. Thanks a bunch!! Good Luck on your many endeavors!! ~ Mz. DaeDae

In love with my bestfriend...

Dear MzDaeDae

I think I’m in love with my best friend. We met about six years ago and have grown closer over the years. He treats me nice and he’s a good person. My problem with him is that he has five kids. I’m not really a big fan of children and I don’t have any myself but I’m willing to make an exception for him. He’s also in between jobs right now. He doesn’t ask me for money or help with anything though. My friends keep telling me I shouldn’t date a guy with so much baggage but I really like him. Am I crazy for wanting to be with a guy with all this baggage? ~Ms. Baggage-carrying Bestfriend Lover

Dear Ms. Baggage-carrying Bestfriend Lover

First of all thank you for inquiring advice from me. Secondly I'd like to say I can completely understand what you are feeling. Well I'd like to ask you a question, why is this man that you feel is right for you? Is it because he treats you nice and he's a good person. I don't know how old you are but if you aren't already entertaining men who treat you nice and are good people then girl you need a wake up call. That's what men are supposed to do so that shouldn't be a reason to fall in love with him, then you say he has 5 kids which probably means he has bad judgement and would you really want to spend your life with someone who makes bad judgement calls. Not to add that you don't like kids, as a wife or girlfriend you will hold a special place in his heart and so will his kids and his kid's mother or mothers'. But can you really be satisfied knowing you will never have all of him, and if God forbid the mother died he had to raise the children in the home with you. Could you really grow accustom to becoming their honorary mother, knowing that as his wife if anything happens to him then you'll be responsible to raise them? And with the economy everyone is one pink slip from being in between jobs so money should never be an issue especially since he doesn't ask you for any...yet. Also, your friends might be telling you to keep away from the baggage since you know you are not a kid friendly person and you'd have to become kid friendly to 5 of his kids. My best advice would be to just be patient and wait for the guy with no kids and a job who will treat you nice and be a good person. They are out there you just have to find one, and you probably only want your best friend because he's convenient you don't have to meet and greet with new people, don't let being a lazy dater get you into a bag relationship or marriage because once best friends cross unknown territory they rarely ever come back from the journey. But all in all the heart wants what the heart wants so I wish you the best in whatever choice you decide to make. Thanks! ~ Mz.DaeDae :-)

I just want to hear his voice

Dear MzDaeDae:

My ex and I stopped dating over a year ago. I Haven’t talked to him since that day. The issue is, even though its been more than a year I still really miss him. Lately I’ve been having this urge to call him. I haven’t called him yet but I’m almost to my breaking point. I think my feelings for him are stronger than what I thought they were. I don’t know if I should go ahead and call him or if I should leave well enough alone. Your opinion is appreciated. ~ Ms. He's Always on My Mind

Dear Ms. He's Always on My Mind

Hmm.. Okay great way to start this off.  I've gotten this question from plenty people. The reason you've been thinking about him is because you are lonely. If you were out enjoying your life, as I'm sure he's out enjoying his, he wouldn't cross your mind. Whenever we break up with someone or lose someone we have to go through stages of relationship grief. Our heart often encourages us to do things that our mind would say is a bad idea. I can tell by you writing me that there is conflict between your logical brain and emotional heart, therefore meaning your mind gave you the answer you already knew I was going to say. Live your life forget about him, you will eventually fall in love with someone else and you'll know its right because your brain and your heart will be on the same page. ~ Mz.DaeDae

P.S. Thank you for being my first advicee!

Welcome to my Blog/Advice Column

If you are here then it is your first time and I want to say thank you for contributing or just for dropping by. It is in my heart to genuinely guide and direct people while providing a sense of escape or even entertainment. If I have made one person's day then I have successfully done my job. Furthermore, this is an advice column and you are free to ask me anything you want, if you want to remain anonymous then that's okay, if you want to reveal who you are then that's great to. My only want and need is to provide you with an outlet to express your feelings and help guide you in the direction you need to go. Sometimes we can't ask our friends questions because of the fear of judgement and with me I serve no bias only a desire to help the faint at heart.